Separating From Ed

A list of things that you can not tell about someone by looking at them on the outside: Weight Blood pressure Blood sugar Health status Mental battles Relationships Bodily functions If they feel safe What they believe What they don't believe Internal wounds and scars What they are holding back How they feel on the inside What they are afraid of How they cope What they hide behind their smile How many times they have been in a hospital or treatment center What their quality of life was growing up How frequently they were bullied How attentively they manage their conditions Who they trust How and why they choose to do certain things The last time they cried When they needed the most help What thoughts plague them at night Where they want to head in life What breaks their heart How they cope with stress If they need therapy If they attend therapy Their goals Their dreams Ambitions, hopes, achievements, and downfalls When they feel pride or confide...

     When I'm struggling and I reach out to my support team, some people have been instrumental to my growth in my recovery. Some phrases stick out in my head more than others, but I also want to include other phrases and realization that so I hopefully can remind myself of them when I have a rough Ed day or moment, and maybe, they will help you, too. What would your therapist say? What would CFD do? It's okay You will have slips, and that is all right. Does this matter in the long run? Is this an Ed rule? Is that Ed talking, or Allie talking? What do I want?       Half-yes is better than no      Is this what I need to be well?     Am I compensating for something?     I have improved I am more capable     Am I acting out of fear right now? My actions of yesterday shouldn't affect what I eat or do for exercise today Today is a new day with a change at a new perspec...

     God can be found when I'm celebrating, suffering, or transitioning. He is found as I engage with the character of Christ whose life and Spirit direct me toward the Father. Know that the Lord, is God and He is good.      I'm not where I want to be, but I thank you that I am not where I was. Oh, Jesus, You defeated sin and death. You rose victorious. One of the many beautiful things about this is that you don't want or need me to strive You want me as I am, wholly broken and wholly yours. You love me and want me in Your presence, sin and all. You accept my flaws and cover them in Your grace. Your mercy flows deep and wide, flooding the parts of my being that are sinful and showcase the past. You look beyond my doing, into my being.      Oh, Jesus, Your timing is funny. As I tentatively dip my foot into the gray space that is between where I am now and where You long for me to be, I feel hesitant, uncomfortable, and scared. This step woul...

Where are you, God? I am in your midst. I am here. I am present. I am loyally by your side, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. I am here in your darkest night and your brightest day. I am here to love you, keep you safe, keep you healthy, warm, and on My path for you.  I long for you to be with me. You are my hearts desire, my truest love, my daughter. You are precious to me. I gave up all that I am to have the possibility of being in a relationship with you forever. You are beautiful, and you are mine. I want what's best for you. I cherish you. I value you and what you do. You work for me and love me. You love my people. I am with you always. I am with you when you are loving my people, when you are recovering, when you are exercising, doubting, trusting, fearing, processing, questioning, feeling stuck, bound, tied up, controlled, hurt, confused, obsessive, joyful, and blessed.  I am with you always. I am right here. You are...