Separating From Ed

     I seriously feel sucky. I feel pain, betrayal, hurt, disappointed, and upset. I question what I have done to be received this way and why I am not connecting with other people. It hurts. It is like a major sting into my heart to not be accepted or appreciated. I don't get it. It is hard and conflicting. I just want to feel a connection or some bit of being wanted. I truly hurt. My feelings are coming up a lot today around this and I am sad.       I am trying to explore my feelings, name them, and be nonjudgmental, but it still hurts and it is still hard. I tried to workout in a healthy manner today and it was fine, but I don't think it really helped my mental or emotional state.             I want to be grateful and appreciate all of the other wonderful individuals I have in my life, which I am thankful for them, but I just wish that out of 51 other people on the same path, in the same program as me, that so...

     I have been thinking and toying with the idea of "grieving" the loss of my eating disorder for some time now. I have been curious about the idea, but hadn't really looked into it much.      With my coaching job over now and having extra time, plus having today completely to myself, I have been realizing how I haven't made recovery a priority lately, and how I feel that I should and need to make it a priority. With that in mind, I decided to read multiple articles today on grieving the loss of eating disorders. Tonight, I decided that I needed to finally buckle down, sit with myself and my thoughts, and attempt to fully experience the loss of losing Ed.      One thing is for sure, recovery is different for everyone and that means that grief and loss are individual. Another certainity is that recovery is non-linear and can involve steps both forward and backwards. The same can be said about grieving. Here is majority of my grief statem...