Journal Entry for 8/3/2021

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     I seriously feel sucky. I feel pain, betrayal, hurt, disappointed, and upset. I question what I have done to be received this way and why I am not connecting with other people. It hurts. It is like a major sting into my heart to not be accepted or appreciated. I don't get it. It is hard and conflicting. I just want to feel a connection or some bit of being wanted. I truly hurt. My feelings are coming up a lot today around this and I am sad. 

     I am trying to explore my feelings, name them, and be nonjudgmental, but it still hurts and it is still hard. I tried to workout in a healthy manner today and it was fine, but I don't think it really helped my mental or emotional state. 
     
     I want to be grateful and appreciate all of the other wonderful individuals I have in my life, which I am thankful for them, but I just wish that out of 51 other people on the same path, in the same program as me, that someone, even just one person, would make me feel loved, that I belong, and that I am accepted as I am. I want one person to reach out and say that I am fun to be around and clever. I want someone who is able to gently tell me when I am wrong and provide compassion and empathy in my hard times.  
     
      I just want to be known for who I am, be able to get along well with other people, be liked to some extent by some individuals, and enjoy my time in this program. It is hard to go about the program knowing I don't have connections and it worries me for the next 15 months going about if I don't have friends.

I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.

I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.  

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