VALUES

02/10/2018

I want to take a moment to talk about values. Values are the things that you hold near and dear. They help define you and can influence decisions you make, people you spend time with, and what matters to you. They can be deeply ingrained, or learned throughout life.

Values are important to people because they help those around us know what we care about and what we stand for (or choose to not stand for). When I was in college, during my time as a Resident Assistant (RA), we spoke often about values and how they influenced and impacted people. You see, our university’s housing program has what they call “core values;” a set of goals that helped promote, reach, and develop the mission statement of the department. These values are: Wellness, Inclusion, Learning, Community, Communication, Support, and Sustainability. These seven things are what housing tries to strive for and to encourage our residents (students who lived on campus) to learn. These were and are important to University Housing (UH).

But personally, an individual will likely have different values than an organization. One thing that I loved about the RA class that was required before stepping into the position was that we discussed what to do if our personal values did not align with University Housing’s values. Take for instance if someone had the value of honesty, yet somewhere along the lines, their job in University Housing asked them to be dishonest. An RA was not asked to change their values to fit or be perfectly the same as University Housing’s values, however, they were expected to support the UH values. In this case, the RA could uphold their personal value of being honest with those involved, yet, if another student’s wellness or safety was at stake, they could choose to alter the verbiage to support the university, respect the student, and maintain their moral integrity.

Now that was a lot about the values that an organization may hold in high esteem, but what about personal values? Everyone has values that are important to them. Specifically, these values are what make us unique and it would be wrong to say that another’s values are insignificant. Your values may differ from mine, but that doesn’t make either one of us a bad person, that simply makes us different.

Image from Amazon

While reading “The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Hanson, I realized that values actually tell a lot about a person. For instance, I happen to value spending time with my family. Sure, it seems like a simple thing that most people would enjoy, but I find it to be one of my biggest passions, which is special to me specifically. Readers now know more about me and what I consider important. Hanson pointed out, however, that some people may have values such as being the best, being told that they are correct, or owning a certain car. Seems shallow, right? Some people truly have these values, though.

So how do our values tie into us learning about ourselves, others, and what makes each person special or individual? Hanson said that people with value systems different than our own can let us down. The key part, although, is not to stay there in that low place. Sure, it may be someone else’s fault that we are let down or bummed out, but it is not that other individual’s responsibility that we are down in that place.

One thing that I am consistently re-learning is that I am in charge of my emotions. My attitude should not be based off of my circumstances, situations, location, the weather, who won what game, or other people and their values or how they may let me down. While these things may happen (and oh, yes, they regularly do), it is my responsibility to take action and check in with myself, my emotions, and my values to see how and why I am responding.

Hanson also mentioned that it may not always be the other person’s fault for our values being mucked up. Perhaps we did something that we can be blamed for. In fact, Hanson noted that those with certain qualities typically surround themselves with other people who display the same habits.

Now will dwelling on my possible mistakes make me feel better about the other person impacting my values? No, but, recognizing my mistakes should help me learn how to change my response and reaction for the future, as well as letting me know if I need to realign, or re-examine, my values. Taking responsibility for my actions, responses, and values helps me control my emotions, even when I can’t control what goes on around me.

I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.

I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.