Separating From Ed

     This week at work a classroom teacher said something profound that I had never heard before. What he said was along the lines of "when we choose to pick battles, we need to pick battles that we will win." Many people who are parents, work in education, or work with children use the phrase "picking your battles" to indicate what is worth addressing with students and what is not, but this line was different. He was going a step further to say that when we address a concern with a student, we need to make sure that we will win the discussion by making sure that the feedback is received well, students comprehend the information, and that steps will be taken to work towards a positive change.      While this is great advice for working with kids, it really hit me in regards to my battle with Ed. I have chosen to fight Ed. I have recognized a problem that needs addressed. I understand the steps needed to make change happen. I try to actively work on ...

     Throughout my short time in recovery, I have been given many challenges to work on. Some of these challenges have been very easy to do and implement, and a few have been much more challenging, or even impossible for me at the time, with some challenges falling in between these two categories. Some of my challenges have included: eating a food based on taste, not nutritional quality trying exposure therapy to a fear food incorporating a forbidden food twice a week incorporating a forbidden food four times in one week not weighing myself journaling my thoughts versus Ed's thoughts journaling my thoughts, Ed's thoughts, and Jesus' input creating a support team stopping exercise eating from a food plan reading Ed materials acknowledging Ed thoughts and behaviors telling my husband more about Ed thoughts What I realized this weekend is that it is not myself who has falling short and failing certain challenges, but rather, it is Ed failing to rise up to a...

Dear Best Friend: You moved across the country and yet, I feel a closeness between us. You are gone, yet your presence and friendship remain in my heart and in my life. You are a source of joy and I believe that you help bring out the best in me. I am grateful for you and how you love me without finding fault or casting judgement. You are an amazing person. You continue to wow me with your courage and how you handle situations. You have a way about you that makes me laugh, giggle, and think about what I say. Although at some points I think we both have had times when we would have rather said something different, I believe that we are both compassionate and forgiving people. I love how you see me for who I am, not what I do. Thank you for your love and encouragement throughout the years. I hope that you remain in my life for literally all of eternity. You are a great person and my best friend. I am proud of you. All my love, A I started this blog as a me...

     It's Friday. It's been a long and trying week, even though it was only a four day work week. I am switching jobs, running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to help my husband establish his first classroom, coaching volleyball, looking for a church home, and trying to cook and clean, all on top of not feeling well. And what happens this week? Excessive exercise rears its ugly head.      Excessive exercise can tend to go hand-in-hand with eating disorders. It is another way to gain control of one's life. Exercise in itself is a healthy and wonderful thing, however, in excess, it can turn to a dangerous and thought consuming obsession. Excessive exercise is not a joke and it, just like eating disorders, is not something that people can typically "snap out of" or choose freely. It may have started out innocently enough, but let me tell you, it takes over quickly, violently, and without much warning.      Excessive exerci...

     Many people are fans of the ketogenic, or "keto," diet which is characterized by consuming a low amount of carbohydrates and a high amount of fat. I'm calling out keto because it is a popular, current, and trendy diet, but honestly, any "diet," any weight loss program that promotes losing weight in an unhealthy manner by eliminating a food group, is at fault here. I want to help examine these fads and so that you can learn how to read closely for yourself to avoid potential harm.      The keto diet is backed in the idea that consuming a small amount of carbohydrates will increase or promote weight loss. The phrase "low carbohydrates" can vary in amount depending on the individual, but typically, less than 50 grams per day is what those who subscribe to the keto diet aim for. In more extreme cases, 20-30 grams, or even eliminating carbohydrates altogether, is the goal.      But what is a carb? A carbohydrate is one of three energy...

     I won't say that my mom "caused" my eating disorder for a variety of reasons. 1) that is unfair to point blame to one source, namely one person, 2) cause is a loaded word and there are multiple models that point to how one develops an eating disorder, 3) I honestly don't believe that she did. There are other reasons why I don't believe my mom caused my ED, though. For starters and the most obvious to me, I began my habits out of a desire to be healthier, not out of spite for my mother, longing for redemption or love, a lack of affection in childhood, a desire for thinness, or anything else. My motive was "pure" in nature, I however, due to a variety of factors, took this to the extreme, which is what lead me down the road to destruction of Ed.      I will say, though, that in general, our mothers do help to create a mentality of weight preoccupation, obsession, and focus, at least in the Western world and certain developed countries. Women are par...