Diving Deep

     I won't say that my mom "caused" my eating disorder for a variety of reasons. 1) that is unfair to point blame to one source, namely one person, 2) cause is a loaded word and there are multiple models that point to how one develops an eating disorder, 3) I honestly don't believe that she did. There are other reasons why I don't believe my mom caused my ED, though. For starters and the most obvious to me, I began my habits out of a desire to be healthier, not out of spite for my mother, longing for redemption or love, a lack of affection in childhood, a desire for thinness, or anything else. My motive was "pure" in nature, I however, due to a variety of factors, took this to the extreme, which is what lead me down the road to destruction of Ed.

     I will say, though, that in general, our mothers do help to create a mentality of weight preoccupation, obsession, and focus, at least in the Western world and certain developed countries. Women are particularly sensitive to weight, and unfortunately, often pass this infatuation (no pun intended) off to their children. Young people are especially susceptible and impressionable towards trusted adult figures, namely their parents or guardians. Moms are likely to feel a myriad of emotions as their children grow up. From post-partum depression, to feelings of inadequacy, or not being enough, to disappointment about not being able to lose weight from pregnancy, or anything else. Since many women like to talk and can find it therapeutic, and often children or who the mother spends a lot of time with, it makes sense that a mom would divulge her personal feelings with her child(ren).

From Jenni Schaefer's website

     For example, my mom continually expressed her dissatisfaction and disappointment with her physical body and the number on the scale. This is truly unfortunate for multiple reasons. It saddens me that any person would feel that a number or how they view themselves define them, their capabilities, their likeability, and their value. It is also tragic because it instills in our children at an early age that weight, beauty, and looks matter, are important, and of high value in our society. This tells our children that they should be concerned about these things, but in reality, no loving parent would ever tell their healthy child that they are not enough as they are right now.

     Something that I will attribute to influencing my Ed and Eds in general is genetics. It is well known now through various health models that genetics can and do play a large role in the development, predisposition, and/or severity of eating disorders. My mother definitely has a disordered relationships with food, and although, to my knowledge, no person in my family has been diagnosed with an eating disorder, multiple of my close relatives have disclosed or revealed habits that I know to be harmful and "Ed-like." I will not go into specifics of what my mom or other family members do in regards to food, and honestly, these people do not influence my food decisions. However, the mere fact that these disordered eating habits exist seem to point out that my health and eating disorder were not within my control or willpower. As I have mentioned before, eating disorders have no place in this world, and getting the word out that WE did not choose our eating disorder may help destigmatize the disease.

     I have maintained since about high school that I do not care what other people think of me. My mom, however, disagrees with that statement, which is okay. We are allowed to have differing opinions and what matters to me does not matter to everyone else and vice versa. I do not expect everyone whom I come into contact with to have the same ideas as I do. What I do recommend, though, is for women, mothers, parents, and adults everywhere to stop placing such an emphasis on weight. We know that happy, and healthy, come at a variety of sizes. When speaking with our children, I wish that people would know how to positively promote feelings of adequacy right where are children are. This is not to say that personal growth should never happen, but it is to take the pressure off of our kids to be "perfect," presentable, beautiful, and thin at every point in their life. I believe that when we work on ourselves, our attitudes will be reflected on our children and will create a healthier environment for generations in the future.

I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.

I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.