Separating From Ed

     For as long as I can remember, I have always felt awkward receiving presents. I can recall being three years old and getting embarrassed when I received a doctor's kit for Christmas one year. Maybe I felt somewhat afraid or ashamed (the issues revolving around doctors are for another day), but I remember trying to give my brother the present and my parents said that it was actually meant for me. Image from Pinterest      Last Christmas, my in-laws gave me seven presents. That's right, SEVEN. I'm not even their kid! Coming from a family where my parents would typically give around 3 presents, I was blown away. Who has the kind of money to do that? Answer is: my in-laws kicked us off of their phone plan (which we were paying our agreed upon amount for) the month before, so I guess that is where the money "came from," which is a whole other topic.      Receiving so many gifts in itself was overwhelming. I was not prepared for that man...

     I have been thinking and toying with the idea of "grieving" the loss of my eating disorder for some time now. I have been curious about the idea, but hadn't really looked into it much.      With my coaching job over now and having extra time, plus having today completely to myself, I have been realizing how I haven't made recovery a priority lately, and how I feel that I should and need to make it a priority. With that in mind, I decided to read multiple articles today on grieving the loss of eating disorders. Tonight, I decided that I needed to finally buckle down, sit with myself and my thoughts, and attempt to fully experience the loss of losing Ed.      One thing is for sure, recovery is different for everyone and that means that grief and loss are individual. Another certainity is that recovery is non-linear and can involve steps both forward and backwards. The same can be said about grieving. Here is majority of my grief statem...