Separating From Ed

     Last week I had a tonsillectomy. This was my third surgery, and my second in the surgery center. I had frequently been having problems with my throat over the past year, which I originally thought was due to working at a school with many sick students and staff. This may or not be the cause, and I am not sure if I will ever know what is the reason behind it.      I went to a PCP for the first time in September and mentioned having tonsil stones to him, to which he asked if I saw a dentist regularly and suggested that it was plaque build up. Of course, the next time I went to the dentist, I asked and the hygienist told me that what the doctor said was a bunch of crap and that lots of people claim that mouth wash will fix everything, however, she said she didn't think it was plaque.      In April, I went to an ENT for the first time regarding these issues. He informed me that tonsil stones are harmless, and as I had read on my own, are...

     Last weekend we moved into our new home, a townhouse in the city where my husband has a job for next school year. He and I drove the three and a half hour trip on Saturday, with me driving the whole way down and my husband driving majority of the way back.      We decided on this driving arrangement because I had been getting extremely nauseated lately, primarily due to motion sickness. Whether this is for some unknown reason, due to my ED, or lingering from migraines that I had recently (also due to an unknown cause), I don't know, but any way, I was not risking getting motion sick again while we were spending six to seven hours in the car.      The next day, my husband and his mom drove down and my dad drove he and I while hauling my in-laws trailer. I was worried that I would get sick any time that I was not driving, but remarkably, I did not.      I was also anxious that the logistics of moving would not work out...

     Encouraged by Jenni Schaefer and her therapist, Thom Rutledge, in her book "Life Without Ed" (which my psychologist recommended that I read, along with "Holy Anorexia" by Rudolph M. Bell) to write my own Declaration of Independence from ED. Based off of the real Declaration of Independence, here is my message to ED:      When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for Allie to dissolve the captivating bonds which have connected her with Ed and to assume a separation and departure to which God has entitled her.      We/ I hold these trusts to be self-evident, that all are given and inherit certain rights by their Creator that none can take away, that among these are Life , Freedom , Redemption , and Joy /Happiness.      Whenever Ed becomes destructive of these or other rights, it is the Right of Allie to abolish It and to institute a newness and Recovery, laying foundation on principles and organizing p...

     I'm separating.      I'm not leaving my husband. No, I'm separating from someone who is destructive. I'm separating from ED.      For those of you who don't know, ED is my eating disorder. Yes, that's right, I said it. Eating Disorder.      It's not "just" disordered eating anymore. ED is an actual diagnosed eating disorder that influences my thoughts and tells me what I can and can't do, have to, should or shouldn't do. ED isn't made up; ED is very real.      ED has controlled my life for too long. In the past three years, ED has made me lose weight, made me lie to other people, increased my levels of self-consciousness, made me doubt myself and my God, made me obsess about food, exercise, weight, and related thoughts, made me grumpy, irritable, agitated, made my relationships with others more strained than they needed to be, and ultimately, has impacted my healthy quite negatively.     ...

     Church of the small things.      Now you know that my favorite new author is Melanie Shankle, the author of "Sparkly Green Earrings," "The Antelope in the Living Room," "Nobody's Cuter than You," and of course, "Church of the Small Things," a Bible Study devotional that I recently went through with the ladies at my church. "Church of the Small Things" empathizes the divinity and power in small, seemingly inconsequential moments. The book revolves around seeing how God uses the things in our lives, like packing a lunch or helping someone, to make a difference in the Kingdom of God.      Since I liked Melanie so much from the "Church of the Small Things" companion book that I borrowed from the library, I decided to read her other books, too. "Nobody's Cuter than You" is a memoir on friendship in which Melanie describes all of the meaningful relationships that she's had in her lifetime, starting fro...