Separating
I'm separating.
I'm not leaving my husband. No, I'm separating from someone who is destructive. I'm separating from ED.
For those of you who don't know, ED is my eating disorder. Yes, that's right, I said it. Eating Disorder.
It's not "just" disordered eating anymore. ED is an actual diagnosed eating disorder that influences my thoughts and tells me what I can and can't do, have to, should or shouldn't do. ED isn't made up; ED is very real.
ED has controlled my life for too long. In the past three years, ED has made me lose weight, made me lie to other people, increased my levels of self-consciousness, made me doubt myself and my God, made me obsess about food, exercise, weight, and related thoughts, made me grumpy, irritable, agitated, made my relationships with others more strained than they needed to be, and ultimately, has impacted my healthy quite negatively.
ED has harmed both my physical and mental health. I have been sick much more often in the past couple of years, been more stressed (although I would say that most of the chronic stress was due to my engagement), had a harder time coping with stress, had migraines, low blood sugar, and been diagnosed as having iron-deficiency anemia. I have lost my normal menstrual cycle, have had numerous tonsil problems, and sometimes been too weak to do anything.
ED sucks.
So what am I doing about it? I am breaking up with ED. We are separating and I am kicking him out!
At my last appointment with my psychologist (yes, I see a psychologist. No, mom, I am not an incredibly messed up person because I see a psychologist), I told her that I was FINALLY ready to actually take action against my orthorexia. I shared with her that I didn't just want to attend counseling and try to get better, that I am serious and willing to commit to working towards recovery. ED has ruined many aspects of my life as of late, but I am not interested in allowing him that power anymore.
I recently realize that I CAN be healthy without restricting all of the time, that I can trust God with my health, and that He can help me turn from this eating disorder. God promises to keep me safe and healthy and, you know what? God's commands are not burdensome as I previously have thought in regards to ED and obedience.
As I was getting ready to leave my psychologist's office, I said that I was ready to buckle down and kick some serious ED butt. It feels so good and reaffirming to have someone on my team, fighting this battle with me, cheering me on, listening to me, and understanding where I am coming from. If you are fighting your own ED but feeling alone, I encourage you to keep trying until you find the mental health professional that validates and meets your needs. Making sure that your voice and concerns are heard is critical.
I am willing and ready to stand up and fight this, and I am in it to win.My health and my body are more important to me than ED. Life is more than obsessing over the thoughts that ED gives me.
Will you join me in fighting our EDs together?
I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.
I'm not leaving my husband. No, I'm separating from someone who is destructive. I'm separating from ED.
For those of you who don't know, ED is my eating disorder. Yes, that's right, I said it. Eating Disorder.
It's not "just" disordered eating anymore. ED is an actual diagnosed eating disorder that influences my thoughts and tells me what I can and can't do, have to, should or shouldn't do. ED isn't made up; ED is very real.
ED has controlled my life for too long. In the past three years, ED has made me lose weight, made me lie to other people, increased my levels of self-consciousness, made me doubt myself and my God, made me obsess about food, exercise, weight, and related thoughts, made me grumpy, irritable, agitated, made my relationships with others more strained than they needed to be, and ultimately, has impacted my healthy quite negatively.
ED has harmed both my physical and mental health. I have been sick much more often in the past couple of years, been more stressed (although I would say that most of the chronic stress was due to my engagement), had a harder time coping with stress, had migraines, low blood sugar, and been diagnosed as having iron-deficiency anemia. I have lost my normal menstrual cycle, have had numerous tonsil problems, and sometimes been too weak to do anything.
ED sucks.
So what am I doing about it? I am breaking up with ED. We are separating and I am kicking him out!
At my last appointment with my psychologist (yes, I see a psychologist. No, mom, I am not an incredibly messed up person because I see a psychologist), I told her that I was FINALLY ready to actually take action against my orthorexia. I shared with her that I didn't just want to attend counseling and try to get better, that I am serious and willing to commit to working towards recovery. ED has ruined many aspects of my life as of late, but I am not interested in allowing him that power anymore.
I recently realize that I CAN be healthy without restricting all of the time, that I can trust God with my health, and that He can help me turn from this eating disorder. God promises to keep me safe and healthy and, you know what? God's commands are not burdensome as I previously have thought in regards to ED and obedience.
As I was getting ready to leave my psychologist's office, I said that I was ready to buckle down and kick some serious ED butt. It feels so good and reaffirming to have someone on my team, fighting this battle with me, cheering me on, listening to me, and understanding where I am coming from. If you are fighting your own ED but feeling alone, I encourage you to keep trying until you find the mental health professional that validates and meets your needs. Making sure that your voice and concerns are heard is critical.
I am willing and ready to stand up and fight this, and I am in it to win.My health and my body are more important to me than ED. Life is more than obsessing over the thoughts that ED gives me.
Will you join me in fighting our EDs together?
I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.
I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.
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