Separating From Ed

 I'm so blessed, I'm so blessed. Got this heartbeat in my chest. No, it doesn't matter about the rest. If I got You Lord, I'm so blessed. And when I count the problems that I see, hope looks all but gone, but when I count the ways You're good to me, You got me counting all day long.      I'm so blessed. I'm so blessed. It doesn't matter about the rest, if I've got You Lord, I am so blessed.      I am so blessed to have access to many things that others do not. I am blessed to live in a place where I can freely worship my God, without fear of major persecution. I am blessed to have access to healthcare. I am extraordinarily blessed to have the ability, finances, life circumstances, support, determination, and intellect to not only utilize higher education, but to even return to get an advanced degree.      I am blessed by a God who is not far off. My God is near and speaks to me. I am blessed by His loving arms and caring hands. I am bles...

     The residents that I get the privilege of working with are phenomenal. Here are some of the lessons that I have learned from them. Take it slow and enjoy the sights Be patient Thankfulness is super important Ask for help when you need it Stop and smell the flowers Don't be afraid to say "no" Learn other people's stories Speak truth Help as often as possible Avoid instilling fear Answer the call Make the time to talk Care an immeasurable amount Be friendly Say what you need Remember your past Tell stories Appreciate the arts Take delight in the small things Play games Stay organized If the food is good, eat it Find pleasure in the everyday Keep in contact with loved ones Work hard Keep the faith Write If it goes around, it comes around I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope. I w...

      Recently, my dietitian has said some really invalidating things that make me feel she truly does not "get it." I don't expect her or anyone else who has never suffered from an eating disorder to understand, and even if someone has had an eating disorder, my perspective is different than theirs. My story, my thoughts, behaviors, all of them vary from another person's.     Having the courage to speak up and tell her how I felt after hearing the invalidating comments, wasn't the most comfortable thing to do. Once I told her how I felt, she apologized and acknowledged that she sometimes speaks before thinking, and that if it happened again in the future, she was open to feedback. Even though it wasn't easy to tell her what had been going on for me, saying what I needed to say  alleviating. We can do hard things. I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a ...

 Ugh. I have ate almost completely from my new, non-exchange, meal plan yesterday and today. I have actually "overate" both days. I feel so confused. Am I doing the right thing? Am I not? Am I overeating? Am I heading in the right direction? How will this impact my health? I am anxious. I think I am mostly anxious about grad school things right now, but the overeating is definitely nagging at me. I feel frustrated, upset, confused, irritated. It's been a night. My doctor today told me I could do some self testing, but my pharmacy is out of the equipment I need. It is frustrating!  Naming my feelings almost always helps. I did that. I sat with my feelings; I still am. I am being nonjudgmental towards them and recognizing that this will pass, but I am not actively trying to get rid of the feelings.  I felt so good earlier today. I saw my doctor, I did the meal plan, I ate a variety and play foods, I have asked for help, I have advocated for myself, yet, the school textbooks...

They said that I am semi-starved And what I'm doing is bad for my heart But I don't see it In fact, I'm aiming for the opposite I was ashamed about it On my own, it couldn't be defeated In my future, I'm concerned about diseases But right now this is not what I needed I never wanted this disorder, no Just like no person asks for a stroke Heart failure, diabetes, and GI diseases Yet, some how I feel massively depleted All of these many adverse events, But my main goal was to prevent I hurt myself, others, family, and friends Sometimes I wonder if this will ever end My mind, my social life and my sleep- All disrupted, I need peace But God's called me to it He'll bring me through it I need help from my treatment team When I feel I am walking on a balance beam I hurt, I'm scared, and I'm unsure But with your help, I'll be secure I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate...