Separating From Ed

     Welcome to the new "Separating From Ed" blog.

     Honestly, I never thought this day would come. The day where I change my blog name to "Separating From Ed." The day where I'd be the girl to be vulnerable and open about my struggles in recovery. To actually be someone who has an eating disorder.

     Ed and recovery from Ed have become a more prevalent part of my life recently, and I want to help others avoid Ed's harmful tactics, recover for themselves, empathize and learn for the sake of their loved one, become educated in eating disorder facts, have the knowledge necessary to gain help, seek out resources and professional treatment, and to know that you are not alone.

     You see, Ed is really good at making his sufferers believe that they aren't "that bad," that they don't need help or can't get help. Ed is a deceiver, a liar, a cheater, a fun-stealer, pain-maker, people-separator, an accuser, and so many other nasty things. Ed's main purpose is to tell you that you are not enough, you are not good, you deserve less, that you are wrong. Ed imposes rules, punishments, gets rid of enjoyment, and criminalizes actions. Ed likes to tell you that you are weak, you aren't good enough, that others do better or are better than you. Yet, at the same time, Ed can create confusion. He can tell you that you are better, or more controlled, than other people. Ed has a goal of turning you against yourself and what you knew.

     You have a choice. You always have a choice. Who will you choose to believe, Ed, or yourself? Ed or the truth? What Jesus says about you, His child, or what Ed, whose desires destruction, says about you?

     EDs are a harmful, dangerous, and potentially lethal condition. It is not something that can be freely chosen, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out of." You don't get to magically be fixed. Unfortunately, recovering from an ED is not easy. As I have said once (or a few times), recovery is not for the faint of heart.

     You need to have motivation, a drive, a purpose, to begin, continue, and maintain recovery. Ed will attempt to drag you down while you are trying your hardest to get away. Sometimes it may feel like crawling and scraping by. In order to recover from Ed, a person needs to be committed to getting well. Without the will and desire to recover, Ed will continue to win battles. 

     Someone on my support team said this past week, "We have to remember that recovery from ed is non-linear." I say this not to discourage those of you in recovery or considering recovery, but to heighten you to the reality that recovery is not a straight line, and that is okay! There will be ups and downs, you will not win every battle, and sometimes after a certain challenge, Ed will beat you up. As I am learning, it is okay to take breaks from challenges. Multiple people have told me that kickback from Ed is actually a sign of progress, and if that is what progress looks like, I will take it! Just like our relationship with Jesus, recognizing that if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth it, the struggle wouldn't have the same meaning, and that opposition is a sign of going the right direction. 

     Ed is an evil, evil thing that in my opinion, has no place in this world. Eating disorders should affect absolutely no one, yet more people than you would realize have disordered eating habits, body dsymorphia, an eating disorder, and/or related symptoms. Ed silently is hurting and killing our loved ones every single day. Numerical data on eating disorders is difficult to come by because so many do not or can not seek treatment, thus numbers do not accurately depict just how many of our loved ones are effected by eating disorders, and unfortunately, often times many who attempt to seek treatment have been invalidated by a medical professional who does not have adequate training, skills, or experience to understand an eating disorder. It is important to note that eating disorders do not have a specific "look" or appearance and can come in many different forms, which can partially be why receiving treatment can be so difficult when the outside world is searching for a specific "type" of body to diagnose an eating disorder.

     So what's the point of this blog? As my personal, professional, and recovery goals have changed, grown, and evolved, the point of this Separating From Ed blog is to encourage those in recovery to keep recovering, to educate the public on the realities of an eating disorder, and to support those who are or will be seeking treatment for themselves or a loved one. The memoir portion of this blog will remain, but I no longer desire for WholeWheatFreak to be a part of my identity. It will always be a part of my past, which I will acknowledge, and will continue to leave my former blog posts online unless I feel that they threaten the recovery of myself or any other person.

     Remember, no one can do it on their own. Utilizing faith, resources, and creating a support team are crucial components of recovery and if I can assist just one person through this blog, I would say that it has fulfilled its purpose. 

     I wish you the best as you journey alongside me on this road to recovery.

I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.

I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.