Keep Going

     I am not perfect. I never have been and I never will be. I know this, but deep inside of me, I still long to get as close to perfect as possible.
     Jesus knows all about me, my imperfections, mistakes, and shortcomings. He knows it all. He knows when I slip up. He knows when I say, do, or think something that I shouldn't. He is aware of all of my thoughts. He knows when I want to obey Ed, act on a behavior, treat someone in an unkind manner, or think about harming myself. He knows that I was on and off in a deep depression seasonally when I was a teenager and in college. He knows the thoughts I have had about killing myself, the thoughts about cutting, the thoughts of restriction, and the ideas of poisonings I have had. He knows of every time I thought of driving off of the road to end it all. He knows about how grieved I was due to the appearance of my teeth prior to braces. He knows that I wanted to be gone instead of live in the shame and ridicule that myself and others placed around me for not looking a certain way. He knows my pain.
     I call this to mind and I have hope: that God knows ALL of this about me, and He STILL chooses to love me. It is exactly like Tauren Wells sings, "It's hard truth and ridiculous grace." To be known by Him is a miracle and amazing. The person of Jesus has such compassion and character to look down upon the earth, see me, Alexandra, as an individual made in His image, and to think that I am beautiful, worthy of redemption, and that He wants a life with me. He wants a life with me! He wants me in His presence for eternity. He has given me so much hope, peace, and joy in this life, that to attempt to imagine what may happen in the future is unfathomable.

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     Though my time here on earth thus far has not been simple, easy, fun, relaxing, or peaceful, the hope that He loves me, He wants me, and He desires me just as I am is a reason to keep going. He craves a relationship with me and wants me to praise Him all of my days. He is spurring me on and wants me to continue living in His goodness. His love and faithfulness never fail, even when I am confronted with disaster and thoughts of death. He wraps me lovingly in His arms and whispers tenderly, "I love you, dear one. You are mine and I am here for you. I have so much planned for you. Remain in me and stay close. I have good in mind." His loving breath fills my lungs and I rejoice at the thought of how He will use and bless me to grow His Kingdom.
     I know that if I stay the course and do His will, He will continue to guide me. I know that there is no turning from Him, because He is always there with me. Though I am not perfect and have not reached my goals, I was literally made for Jesus. I was created to bring Him praise and make Him known, and if that means doing so imperfectly, I can accept that. I'm trying to reach the goals Jesus has for me; to do what He wants me to do. I can breathe sighs of relief knowing that there is nothing I could ever do or not do to change His love for me. Unlike people, God's love is unconditional, and I know that as long as I continue to live a life following and knowing God, He will complete His works in me and be faithful to hold me every step of the way. I'm not there yet, but I am straining for what is ahead while being in the present and working on processing my past.


I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.

I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.