When It's Not About the Weight
Through my AMA, conversations with my therapists, friends from treatment, and with someone I know who is struggling currently, I have come to realize even more so how absolutely ridiculous it is to categorize eating disorders around weight. For me, all along, it as never about my weight, it was about my health and attempting to prevent diseases in the future. While I know this for myself, it is far too common that people continue to associate eating disorders solely, or mostly, based off of how much someone weighs.
One of the lies that I had to get over telling myself, as well as many other people who are afflicted by eating disorders is that eating disorders have a size, number, limit, etc... You can be perfectly "healthy" and still battle a myriad of eating disordered thoughts. Eating disorders are a mental illness and should be categorized and based on thought patterns and behaviors. No person should go through any course of treatment (outpatient, IOP, PHP, residential, or inpatient) feeling invalidated by their healthcare provider. We do this enough to ourselves. "I've not sick enough." "I don't look like I have an eating disorder." "I'm too ____ to be here" (yes, these are lies that I believed). Our healthcare providers should be adequate and exceptionally trained in the world of eating disorders and the various realms of them; that's why we are going to them for treatment.
When we limit an individual's treatment from how they look, without getting to know the person and invest the time to figure out what is actually going on, we do a major disservice to them. People don't like going to the doctor with a hurt knee and told not to walk anymore. That's not how this goes. We want answers. We want compassion and someone who understands our lifestyles. We want someone to listen to our concerns. Similarly, when a patient or client is receiving treatment for an eating disorder, we don't want to be told that we are "healthy enough," "good enough," to "just eat," or "gain/lose some weight." This advice, however well intentioned, is simply not helpful, and in reality, is actually harmful. These phrases can be crippling to the point of those who desperately need help deciding that they don't want to ask for assistance or will merely wait for the right qualified professional, which is dangerous as eating disorders can literally take lives and the fact that there is an extreme lack of eating disorder specialists who are trained in this field.
While I don't want to imply that weight has never been a concern in my eating disordered life or in others, I am hoping that this post can remind myself and others that there is so much greater of a picture to us than what the number on the scale says. Thinking about who I am, I may weigh a different amount physically than when I left treatment, but mentally, I am renewed. For me, especially since it was not about the weight, the mental clarity and freedom from obsessions and anxiety is transformational. If I had been more concerned about my weight prior to treatment (other people and other disorders can struggle with this, and that is okay!), I could see that my current weight could make me feel "less than" or inadequate right now, but my friends, we are so much more than our weight. Providers who take the time to hear our hearts and stories, rather than diagnose people from a number, are critical in receiving correct care and treatment.
For so long in my disorder, I believed the harsh "truths" that were actually false. Going through my notebook from my time in residential reminded me of the things I once believed, and how I have come so far in being able to move on from them. There is pride, hope, and gratitude when I look back on my journey in just the previous nine months. I know that my recovery is not over, but when I examine how far I have come and how removed I feel from aspects such as weight, there is joy. There is so much more to me as a person than my weight or appearance. I am a kind, loving, fun human being, who happens to have an eating disorder, but I shouldn't let that define all of me. I will no longer be bound to the chains of destructive thinking and the negative self-talk. I know that I will mess up, but there is grace and compassion to get back on track after I name, acknowledge, and feel my emotions. I need to keep reminding myself that it is not about my weight, it is about who I am.
I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.
One of the lies that I had to get over telling myself, as well as many other people who are afflicted by eating disorders is that eating disorders have a size, number, limit, etc... You can be perfectly "healthy" and still battle a myriad of eating disordered thoughts. Eating disorders are a mental illness and should be categorized and based on thought patterns and behaviors. No person should go through any course of treatment (outpatient, IOP, PHP, residential, or inpatient) feeling invalidated by their healthcare provider. We do this enough to ourselves. "I've not sick enough." "I don't look like I have an eating disorder." "I'm too ____ to be here" (yes, these are lies that I believed). Our healthcare providers should be adequate and exceptionally trained in the world of eating disorders and the various realms of them; that's why we are going to them for treatment.
When we limit an individual's treatment from how they look, without getting to know the person and invest the time to figure out what is actually going on, we do a major disservice to them. People don't like going to the doctor with a hurt knee and told not to walk anymore. That's not how this goes. We want answers. We want compassion and someone who understands our lifestyles. We want someone to listen to our concerns. Similarly, when a patient or client is receiving treatment for an eating disorder, we don't want to be told that we are "healthy enough," "good enough," to "just eat," or "gain/lose some weight." This advice, however well intentioned, is simply not helpful, and in reality, is actually harmful. These phrases can be crippling to the point of those who desperately need help deciding that they don't want to ask for assistance or will merely wait for the right qualified professional, which is dangerous as eating disorders can literally take lives and the fact that there is an extreme lack of eating disorder specialists who are trained in this field.
While I don't want to imply that weight has never been a concern in my eating disordered life or in others, I am hoping that this post can remind myself and others that there is so much greater of a picture to us than what the number on the scale says. Thinking about who I am, I may weigh a different amount physically than when I left treatment, but mentally, I am renewed. For me, especially since it was not about the weight, the mental clarity and freedom from obsessions and anxiety is transformational. If I had been more concerned about my weight prior to treatment (other people and other disorders can struggle with this, and that is okay!), I could see that my current weight could make me feel "less than" or inadequate right now, but my friends, we are so much more than our weight. Providers who take the time to hear our hearts and stories, rather than diagnose people from a number, are critical in receiving correct care and treatment.
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| Image from the YouVersion Bible App |
I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.
I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.
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