Striving and Judgment

     Are you tired of trying to live up to expectations? Frustrated with not knowing what is going on or what you should be doing? Are you confused on what to do and where to go with your life?
     Me too.
     Are you feeling lost in your own judgement? Worried about your present and future? Have you been consumed with the idea of goals, but being unsure of how to put them into practice?
     You're not alone.

     I frequently evaluate myself on how "well" I'm doing. I think of what I should be doing, how I can improve, what I need to be doing better, or if I am "measuring up." I wonder how I can change the trajectory of my life in order to benefit myself and those around me. I am a striver.

     While I do believe that we have free will and some power to influence our lives, as well as the ability to somewhat direct the course or path that I take, I also have come to an important realization. Just because I am so concerned with who I am, who I will be, or what I do, these things aren't what makes me valuable. In fact, nothing that I do, have done, will do, or won't do impact my worthiness. Why? My worthiness is, has never been, and never will be about me. My worthiness is that the One who made me knows me and stills chooses to love me.

     My worthiness is not a number on a scale, a size, an appearance, a career, a position, an amount of anything, how hard I strive, or anything else. The sole reason that I have worth is due to Someone much beyond myself. The value that I place on myself (and on others) is truly arbitrary. It is based off of judgments that I do not have the right to make. A persons value comes from who their Creator is and having placed faith and trust in Him who is our Savior.

     God never looks at me and thinks, "Huh, she is sure looking ____ today." Or, "wow, I can't believe they did xyz." Thankfully, Jesus is the one who alone can and should judge rightly. He is not surprised by anything that I do or don't do and He doesn't judge based on who I am, but rather, who I am in Him, that I am His child and loved by Him. Since Jesus judges correctly and is always true, pure, right, Holy, good, and kind, I should learn to take His value of me and rid myself of the ways that I think of myself.

     Of course, this is easier said than done. It is a real challenge to put aside my own feelings of unworthiness. What gives me comfort is that my God knows all about me and still chooses to love me. My judgement can change day to day, but God, His judgement remains that I am His. I know that His judgments are true and aren't based off of how I look, but rather at my heart. If He, perfect God and Creator, can do that, I know that I have worth. He values me and is proud to call me His. Since I know that I have worth in Him, the striving isn't necessary, and the ideas that I have about myself aren't an accurate picture of who I am to Him.

I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.

I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.