The Power of "I've Been There"

     This week I had the opportunity to share a bit of my eating disorder story and recovery with my foster daughter. She had opened up to me initially about previously having disordered behaviors, then the following day, she read me an email that she had wrote 5 years ago. She was so vulnerable and open about how she felt in her body.

     I asked her if I could come in and then gave her a brief synopsis of my disorder. She was extremely kind and asked if I was hurt by anything she said. We've talked about exercise, too, but mostly food as that seems to be a cause of stressful thoughts and negative emotions towards herself.

     Two days ago, we had a wonderful conversations. She told me about some of the things in her past and some of the things that have happened to her. It hurt me to hear those things because no child should be subject to that treatment once, let alone repeatedly, plus the rejection, neglect, and abuse that occurred, which isn't even all of the story. After she had talked for a while and verbally processed some things, she asked me to tell her more about my disorder.

     Yesterday, she had work at 3 in the afternoon. I asked her to eat before she left. She said the common phrase of "I'm really not hungry" and the like a few times. As it got closer to the time to leave, I gently reminded her to eat and when she said the above phrase again, I asked her if she could just have a piece of fruit or something similar. 

     When she was finished with work, she asked if she could have food from a particular build-it-your-way restaurant because it "sounded good." I absolutely wanted to honor her hunger (as she should have been hungry!) and her cravings. I know that money is a sensitive topic for both she and I, but I wanted to assure her that we would pay for her dinner. She said she is used to paying for almost everything on her own and later asked us how much we get "paid" to have her in our home. 

     In my eyes, it's never about the money. It's about helping a child. It's about loving them and giving them a place to live when they don't have anywhere else to go. She is such a polite, respectful, open, and honest girl. It surprises me what the system has put her through and deemed as appropriate living situations. 

     She was going to pay with her own money, but it was back at our house. I said not to worry about it, that we would cover it. We ordered and brought the food home. I didn't order anything because I was planning on eating something similar for dinner at home that I knew I could make quickly and less expensively. 

     I plopped down on the couch since it didn't feel like dinner time to me yet. She began eating at the dining room table, which, of course makes sense as she had had half of a banana all day long. A few bites and minutes in, I heard her sigh. I asked if she was okay and what was going on. She said, "Oh, you know" as she pointed to the burrito.👇 I went to the table to talk to her. 

    I asked more questions of what was going on with her. She asked, "Do you know? Do you know what I'm talking about?" I wasn't completely sure as she has had a whirlwind of a week, not to mention month, year, few years, and life. I told her I didn't know exactly. Then she said some things about food and eating and how she was stressing herself out over the food. She pointed again and asked if I understood. At this point, I was pretty sure that I understood and knew what she was going through.

     The point of this is to say that it felt incredibly powerful to be the person for her to nod my head in agreement of "I've been there, too." It was a great feeling to know that I helped her through the meal, just as so many people have done for me in the past. To talk about our pasts, disorders, thoughts, feelings, and body image with someone who relates is eye opening. Having those people in our lives who understand and relate, makes the journey a tiny bit easier.

I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.

I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.