Nothing Greater
While my struggle to fight Ed continues on, I have to think about how far I have come, how proud I am of myself, how thankful I am for my recovery and those who have helped me, and about my journey in general.
What's interesting to me is how all of the aspects of our lives play together. The anxiety I had growing up, the college major that I chose, the jobs I worked, the mottos that influenced me, the activities I did, the friends I did or didn't have, everything came together to make me into who I am, what I have done, and the battles that I have faced. My obsessions over health, my family history, and many other things all play into my eating disorder, but many things also play into my recovery; my faith, my friends, the work that I chose to do to get better, my husband, therapists, dietitians, counselors, doctors, and so much more have helped me along the way.
This journey, in all that it has been so far and will continue to be, has been wild to say the least. As I've said before, I never thought I'd have an eating disorder, let alone broadcast it, and write about it. Between battling for so long without saying anything, fighting even longer quietly asking for help, occasionally get turned away and invalidated, struggling for so many months (more than a year, even) to actually realize the severity of my disorder, spending weeks in treatment, weeks continuing the hard work at home, many appointments and hours of therapy and counseling, and still trying to get this whole thing figured out seven months post treatment, I've had to learn a lot.
On top of all of this, I have had to and been able to share parts of my story, which, prior to treatment, only about 15 people knew about my disorder. Since being in treatment, I told my family, some friends, new acquaintances, and even a coworker. I am excited to share my story if it could help any other person, and I am much less concerned about the shame revolving around Eds now than I was five months ago, but there is still a sense of guarding myself. I'm learning and growing because of my struggles and I am passionate about creating awareness of Eds. I long to let others know that they are not alone, that it gets better, and that improvement is difficult, yet possible, and definitely worth it.
I guess what continues to spur me on and serve as a reminder to me of how blessed I am is that my God is good, He's never left, and He never will. I am grateful for all that He does for me, how He allowed me to go to treatment, how my recovery has progressed, and how I am able to share good news because of my journey. The things that I once thought were so important and that I held in high esteem (health, food, exercise, timing, obedience, excellence, etc...), all take up much less space in my mind. It brings me hope that my suffering wasn't for nothing, but oppositely, for His good and glory. I consider everything a loss, because there is nothing greater than knowing and serving Christ Jesus, my Lord.
What's interesting to me is how all of the aspects of our lives play together. The anxiety I had growing up, the college major that I chose, the jobs I worked, the mottos that influenced me, the activities I did, the friends I did or didn't have, everything came together to make me into who I am, what I have done, and the battles that I have faced. My obsessions over health, my family history, and many other things all play into my eating disorder, but many things also play into my recovery; my faith, my friends, the work that I chose to do to get better, my husband, therapists, dietitians, counselors, doctors, and so much more have helped me along the way.
This journey, in all that it has been so far and will continue to be, has been wild to say the least. As I've said before, I never thought I'd have an eating disorder, let alone broadcast it, and write about it. Between battling for so long without saying anything, fighting even longer quietly asking for help, occasionally get turned away and invalidated, struggling for so many months (more than a year, even) to actually realize the severity of my disorder, spending weeks in treatment, weeks continuing the hard work at home, many appointments and hours of therapy and counseling, and still trying to get this whole thing figured out seven months post treatment, I've had to learn a lot.
On top of all of this, I have had to and been able to share parts of my story, which, prior to treatment, only about 15 people knew about my disorder. Since being in treatment, I told my family, some friends, new acquaintances, and even a coworker. I am excited to share my story if it could help any other person, and I am much less concerned about the shame revolving around Eds now than I was five months ago, but there is still a sense of guarding myself. I'm learning and growing because of my struggles and I am passionate about creating awareness of Eds. I long to let others know that they are not alone, that it gets better, and that improvement is difficult, yet possible, and definitely worth it.
 |
| Image created through the YouVersion Bible Application |
I started this blog as a memoir to share some of my life stories with you. My goal is that these encourage and educate you on how to live a more joyful, healthier, full life; one of hope.
I write about my fascination with whole foods, my love of Jesus, my struggles, my childhood stories, my passion for education, and my devotion to creating a healthy life (body, mind, and spirit) for every person in the world.
Comments
Post a Comment